I wonder if one of the deepest human needs isn’t happiness…Or success…Or even love.

I wonder if it’s belonging.

Long before we ask, “am I successful?” or “am I enough?” we ask a quieter question: “Is there a place for me?”

It’s a question children ask on the playground. Teenagers ask in school hallways. Adults ask in boardrooms, churches, neighborhoods, and around dinner tables.

It’s the question behind nearly every insecurity. Will they accept me? Will they understand me? If they really knew me, would they still want me here?

The truth is…most of us spend an extraordinary amount of energy trying to earn belonging. We perform. We edit ourselves. We hide the parts of our story we fear others won’t understand. We laugh when everyone else laughs. We stay quiet when our opinions might make us stand out. We slowly become strangers to ourselves in hopes of being accepted by someone else.

But acceptance isn’t the same thing as belonging. 

Acceptance often comes with conditions. You can stay…as long as…

Belonging says something altogether different. Come as you are.

One of the things that continually draws me to Jesus is how often he created belonging before anything else. Long before people changed their lives, Jesus shared meals with them. Long before they had their theology figured out, he invited them to walk beside him. Long before society deemed them worthy, Jesus looked them in the eye and called them by name. Tax collectors…Women…Foreigners…People living with illness…People everyone else had written off.

The religious establishment frequently asked, “Why does he welcome those people?”

Jesus never seemed particularly interested in answering that question. He just kept making the circle wider.

That’s the image I can’t shake. Not a fortress protecting who’s in, but a table with leaves added because more guests keep arriving.

As United Methodists, we often speak about God’s grace before we speak about anything else. John Wesley called it prevenient grace, the grace of God that is already at work before we ever recognize it. Before we believe. Before we understand. Before we clean ourselves up. Before we even think to seek God…God is already seeking us.

I find that breathtaking. It means belonging begins with God, not with us. We don’t earn our place in God’s family. We discover that we’ve been invited all along.

Of course, churches don’t always reflect that reality. Sometimes we’ve confused holiness with gatekeeping. Sometimes we’ve mistaken uniformity for unity. Sometimes we’ve communicated, intentionally or unintentionally, that certain people belong more than others.

History gives us plenty of examples. People of different races. Women called to lead. Divorced people. People asking honest questions. Members of the LGBTQ+ community. People with disabilities. People struggling with addiction. People whose politics don’t mirror our own. People carrying doubts instead of certainty. The list goes on.

The church has too often acted as though belonging were a prize awarded after someone meets the requirements. Jesus seemed to reverse the order. Belong first. Grow together. Be transformed through love.

I don’t think inclusion is about lowering standards. I think it’s about remembering whose table it is…It’s Christ’s. And Christ has always had a habit of pulling up another chair.

One of my favorite images of the church isn’t an institution or a building. It’s a family meal.

Not because families are perfect…far from it. But because at our best, families make room. They learn one another’s stories. They celebrate victories. They sit through grief. They disagree. They forgive. They keep showing up.

Real belonging doesn’t erase differences. It teaches us to love across them.

Maybe that’s why the Apostle Paul described the church as a body instead of a collection of identical parts. Different gifts. Different experiences. Different perspectives. One Spirit. One purpose. One love.

Imagine if churches became known less for the people they excluded and more for the people who finally felt like they could breathe. Imagine if someone walked through the doors carrying shame and left carrying hope. Imagine if questions were welcomed instead of feared. Imagine if diversity wasn’t tolerated but celebrated as evidence of God’s wonderfully creative imagination. Imagine if everyone who entered heard, not merely with words but with actions: “We’re really glad you’re here.”

I think people are starving for that. Not because they want a church that tells them whatever they want to hear. But because they long for a community where they can tell the truth about who they are…Where grace is more than a slogan…Where love is more than an idea…Where belonging is not the finish line…It’s the starting place.

Perhaps that’s what heaven has been preparing us to practice all along. Not deciding who belongs. But discovering that God’s welcome has always been wider than our imagination.

Maybe that’s the good news we need in a world that keeps drawing lines. God keeps setting a bigger table. And there is still room.

There’s an old saying: Home is where your heart is.

I’ve always liked that phrase, though I’m not sure I’ve ever fully believed it. Or maybe I’ve spent most of my life trying to figure out exactly what it means.

I do believe that almost any place can become home. At the same time, I think there is something profoundly beautiful about having a literal place that feels like it has wrapped its arms around you…a place where your shoulders relax the moment you arrive, where the air somehow feels familiar, where you don’t have to perform or prove anything. You’re simply…home.

When that sense of home is absent, whether physically or emotionally, it can leave an ache that’s difficult to describe.

As a clergy family in the United Methodist itinerant system, “home” has always been a complicated concept. For generations, Methodist pastors have understood that they may be appointed to a new congregation annually. Our roots are often planted in soil we know may not be permanent.

I’ve never lived in the town where I was born. I no longer have family in the city where I was raised. Over the years, we’ve packed boxes, unpacked boxes, learned new streets, met new neighbors, found new grocery stores, and discovered new favorite restaurants. We’ve said countless hellos and more goodbyes than we’d have chosen.

Ironically, we’ve now lived in Fort Wayne longer than we’ve lived anywhere else.

And yet…I sometimes wonder if this place feels like home for my family. I wonder if my children will someday think of this city as the place they came from. I wonder if my wife has found the rootedness that every person longs for. Truthfully, I’m not sure it has ever quite felt like home to me.

That realization has caused me to ask a deeper question. If home isn’t simply a place, then what is it?

Psychologists have long studied something called place attachment…the emotional bond people develop with particular places. It’s fascinating because the research consistently shows that the strongest attachment isn’t usually about architecture, geography, or even beauty. It’s about meaning.

Places become home because of the stories they hold. The relationships they nurture. The memories they preserve. The version of ourselves they allow us to become.

Perhaps that’s why there are places scattered across my life that immediately awaken something deep within me.

The Heorot Pub in Muncie. The shores of our Methodist camps around Lake Webster. Beaver Dam. The Menke Compound. Silver Bay on Lake George. Brown County.

Each is different. I’ve not lived at some of these places. None contains all of my life’s memories.

Yet each carries a familiar feeling. When I’m there, something inside me exhales. The noise quiets. My soul settles. I become more fully myself.

Those places remind me that home may have less to do with ownership than belonging. Less to do with permanence than presence. Less to do with geography than grace.

Researchers who study belonging have discovered something equally important: our well-being depends not simply on having a house, but on having people with whom we feel accepted. We need relationships where we can be known without fear of rejection. We need communities where our presence matters and our absence is noticed. We need places where we don’t have to earn our worth because it has already been recognized.

Maybe that’s why loneliness feels so disorienting. You can live in the same house for thirty years and never quite feel at home if you don’t experience genuine connection. Conversely, you can spend a weekend somewhere surrounded by people who know and love you and leave feeling like you’ve been home all along.

Home is where we are welcomed. Home is where we are remembered. Home is where we can finally stop pretending.

As a pastor, I wonder if this is one of the church’s greatest callings. Long before we’re called to solve every problem or answer every theological question, perhaps we’re called to create home. A place where strangers become neighbors. Where neighbors become family. Where people who have spent years believing they don’t belong discover that there has always been a place waiting for them.

The Scriptures begin in a garden and end in a city where God dwells with humanity. In between is the story of a people constantly searching for home…wandering in deserts, living in exile, longing for promised land, yearning for return.

Maybe that’s because the deepest human longing isn’t simply for a destination. It’s for belonging.

Ultimately, I think our hearts are searching for the place where we are fully known, fully loved, and fully at peace.

Christians believe that longing finds its fulfillment in God.

St. Augustine famously wrote, “Our hearts are restless until they rest in you.”

Perhaps that’s why some places feel holy. They remind us, if only for a moment, of the home for which our souls were made.

Until then, I hope we keep creating homes wherever we can, not merely houses with walls and roofs, but communities of kindness, tables of welcome, friendships of trust, and spaces where people can breathe a little easier because they know they belong.

Because maybe home isn’t ultimately where your heart is. Maybe home is wherever your heart finally finds rest.