Grief

/ Jason Morris / 2 Comments

This afternoon, I performed the funeral services for a seven-week-old boy. Yes, you read that correctly, seven-weeks-old. There is never a time when a loved one passes that we say, “Oh, they lived long enough.” But, seven weeks is difficult to process.

While I would never claim to understand the pain, grief, sorrow, and loss the parents and family of this young boy were experiencing, I did find myself wrestling with feelings of grief. This one just doesn’t sit well with me. I just found myself asking the question, “Why?”

Now, we professionals in the ministry are supposed to have all the Christian cliche answers. You know, I was supposed to say, “Well, God has some kind of plan in all of this” or “the Lord works all things out for good for those who love him.” But, while I do believe that ultimately God will do something with this, those just doesn’t seem appropriate in a moment like this.

My heart absolutely broke when both parents decided to share some beautiful words about the love they had for their son during the service. The mother also read a letter written by the baby’s older brother. It was incredible. I was overwhelmed by their ability to share as they were saying goodbye.

The most difficult moment to watch was when the family had their last moments before the casket was sealed. Viewing the grandparents and parents touching and kissing this tiny baby boy for the last time was gut-wrenching.

I really struggled through this one. I encouraged the family to remember the love they felt for this little boy. I encouraged them to remember the joy that he brought into their lives. I encouraged them to lean on one another…to love, support, and encourage one another in the days, weeks, months, and years to come.

I believe God is in contol of all things. I shared with the family that the God I believe in and serve is big enough and strong enough for their pain, anger, frustration, doubt, and questions. I shared that I believe it’s often our pain, anger, frustration, doubt, and questions that lead us closer to God. When we stop asking questions, it’s tempting to stop seeking, to stop learning, to stop growing.

This was a difficult day. But, it reminded me of how blessed I have been. I have not faced this kind of loss. I’m not sure I’m strong enough for it.

I will be keeping this little baby boys family in my heart and prayers for a long time.

What I Didn’t Get Around To…

/ Jason Morris / Leave a comment

Believe it or not, I actually cut my message short this morning. At both morning services, I was a little long-winded and had to trim some things while I spoke. Even though I probably could have continued sharing at the 10am service and held us only an additional 3-5 minutes, I felt like I should just skip around this story. One of my favorite authors is Donald Miller. His book, Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligous Thoughts on Christian Spirituality, is one I highly recommend to anyone asking me for a list of good reads.

In his chapter on belief, Miller shares the following on pages 109-112:

What people believe is important. What people believe is more important than how they look, what their skills are, or their degree of passion. Passion about nothing is like pouring gasoline in a car without wheels. It isn’t going to lead anybody anywhere.

My friend Andrew the Protester believes things. Andrew goes to protests where he gets pepper-sprayed, and he does it because he believes in being a voice of change. My Republican friends get frustrated when I paint Andrew as a hero, but I like Andrew because he actually believes things that cost him something. Even if I disagree with Andrew, I love that he is willing to sacrifice for what he believes. And I love that his beliefs are about social causes.

Andrew says it is not enough to be politically active. He says legislation will never save the world. On Saturday mornings Andrew feeds the homeless. He sets us a makeshift kitchen on a sidewalk and makes breakfast for people who live on the street. He serves coffee and sits with his homeless friends and talks and laughs, and if they want to pray he will pray with them. He’s a flaming liberal, really. The thing about it is, though, Andrew believes this is what Jesus wants him to do. Andrew does not believe in empty passion.

All great Christian leaders are simple thinkers. Andrew doesn’t cloak his altruism within a trickle-down economic theory that allows him to spend fifty dollars on a round of golf to feed the economy and provide jobs for the poor. He actually believes that when Jesus says feed the poor, He means you should do this directly.

Andrew is the one who taught me that what I believe is not what I say I believe; what I believe is what I do.

I used to say that I believe it was important to tell people about Jesus, but I never did. Andrew very kindly explained that if I do not introduce people to Jesus, then I don’t believe Jesus is an important person. It doesn’t matter what I say. Andrew said I should not live like a politician, but like a Christian. Like I said, Andrew is a simple thinker…

…If Andrew the Protester is right, if I live what I believe, then I don’t believe very many noble things. My life testifies that the first thing I believe is that I am the most important person in the world. My life testifies to this because I care more about my food and shelter and happiness than about anybody else.

I am learning to believe better things. I am learning to believe that other people exist, that fashion is not truth; rather, Jesus is the most important figure in history, and the gospel is the most powerful force in the universe. I am learning not to be passionate about empty things, but to cultivate passion for justice, grace, truth, and communicate the idea that Jesus likes people and even loves them.

When I read all of this, I was reminded about the call on our lives to “do good, every opportunity we have, to all people.” I was reminded of how easy it is to buy into what the world tells us is important and to forget the things that Jesus tells us. I am reminded that, when we let Jesus take the lead, we will be more inclined to remember the things Jesus calls us to (caring for those in need, sharing His love with the world around us, etc). When we remember these things, we will be more inclined to put them into practice.

It’s all about learning and putting what we learn into practice. If we aren’t doing the things Jesus talks about, have we really learned any thing at all?

The Waiting Room

/ Jason Morris / 1 Comment

The waiting room is eerily quiet. Outside of the soothing sounds of the lite-jazz muzak, it is nearly silent. There are four of us in the waiting room, plus one receptionist sitting behind her desk. There is the occasional turning of a magazine page, the shuffling of ones feet, a sniff of ones nose, the clearing of ones throat. But, there is definitely no dialogue… no conversation taking place.

 

We are all here for a common purpose. We are all waiting on someone. Though we have a common bond, none of us have even bothered to make eye contact with one another. We have not traded any fake smiles or head nods that indicate we understand what the other is currently experiencing.

 

One man, wearing a Colts hat is reading the sports section of USA Today. The gentleman sitting directly next to him, wearing an Arkansas Razorbacks sweatshirt (the day after they knocked of Texas in a basketball showdown) is reading the Old House Journal that I recently finished browsing through. The woman directly across from me is reading Kay Arthur’s book Lord, Teach Me to Study the Bible. Interestingly enough, the woman reading the book about studying the Bible did not bring a Bible with her. Maybe she could use the copy of The Bible Story for Kids that is currently resting on the magazine rack next to the receptionist. Speaking of the receptionist, she seems to be keeping herself busy with inputting data into her computer.

 

When I find myself in situations like this, I often wonder what the story is with these people. What is their background? What kinds of things are they interested in? What would they normally be doing if they were not sitting in this waiting room? Why would you wear a Colts hat after the season has ended? Does the old man reading the Old House Journal live in an old home? Does the woman reading about Bible study actually intend to study the Bible? How many people have I encountered who are interested in studying the Bible, but prefer to read books about the Bible rather than the Bible itself?

 

I just got up to get a drink and tried to spark up a conversation with a simple question: “Can I get anyone a cup of water?” My question was answered with four blank stares (both gentlemen, the woman, and the receptionist). The woman reading the Bible study book frowned and rolled her eyes at me. That’s normally the kind of reaction I get to most of my jokes, not when I offer someone a drink. The guy in the Colts hat quickly went back to reading his copy of USA Today. Now he’s moved on to the Life section. The man reading the magazine about old homes gave me a negative nod. The receptionist briefly looked up and went back to typing. Did you notice any thing about the responses to my question?

 

No words were exchanged. Now, I know there is a lot that can be communicated non-verbally. But, my hope was that, in offering some water to everyone, at least one person might speak…which would help us launch into a conversation.

 

We’re now down to three in the waiting room, plus a receptionist. The guy in the Colts hat was just escorted back to the recovery rooms.

 

I will now try a new tactic. I am going to pull out my Bible in a manner that the lady reading the Bible study book will have to notice…especially since she just moved directly behind me.

 

Oh man, I can’t believe this…After moving to a new seat, the Bible study lady went to the water cooler to get a drink. I just offered her one…what’s the deal with that?

 

Okay, back to the test of pulling out the Bible. How sweet is this…Not only did I have a Bible in my bag…I have two. One has a bunch of sermon notes and bulletins in it. So, I’ve taken some time to clear it out a bit and turn to the passage I’m going to preach through this Sunday. Let’s see what happens…

 

Nothing. Not even a glance or a smile. I at least expected a look of, “Hey, we’re both on the same wave-length.” But, that simply didn’t happen. What I really wanted was to have the lady ask, “So, what are you reading?” Instead, she continued to bury her head in her book about studying the Bible. It’s on to the next step.

 

My next approach is to ask the Arkansas guy about last night’s ball game. Let’s see how much of a conversation I can get out of the old guy.

 

Okay, here’s how it went: “So, did you catch the game last night”, I asked. “Um, which game, “ he asked. “Well, not the Ball State football game. That was pathetic. I was meaning the Texas vs. Arkansas game”, I replied. “Oh, I didn’t know they played last night. I don’t really keep track of things.” And, with that, he was called into the recovery area.

 

Now, the Bible study lady has started to annoyingly tap her fingers on her book. Do I dare ask her a question? Of course!

 

Here’s how the conversation went: “So, is that a good book”, I asked. The woman looked at me with that, “Are you talking to me?” look on her face. After realizing that, yes indeed, I was talking to her, she replied, “Um, it seems to be. I guess I’ll really find out later.” My follow up question, “So, are you in any type of Bible study?” The woman responded, “Oh, I’ve been in and out of Sunday School and Bible study for years.” Of course, my mind started to think, “well, it must not have been very good if you haven’t learned how to study the Bible yet.” But, rather than make a condescending or sarcastic statement, I simply asked what got her interested in a book about studying the Bible. The response, “I don’t know. I guess it just seems like the right thing to do.” My response, “I think it’s just about the best thing you can do. Do you know what you’re going to start studying after you read the book?” The woman replied, “I have no idea.”

 

I really expected the lady to ask me some questions. But, I definitely got the idea that she was bothered by my questions. She obviously had other things to do.

 

Talking to strangers just doesn’t seem to be a big hit with anyone today.

 

And, with that, she was called back to the recovery room and I’ve found myself alone, with the exception of the receptionist who is still busily entering data on her computer.

 

Well, at least I tried. I did get two people to sort of talk to me. But, both of them seemed irritated by my questions. Neither seemed interested in sparking up a conversation to pass the time. The folks in this waiting room would simply prefer to bury their heads in magazines, books, and papers than engage with another, live human being.

Childhood Dreams, Part Two

/ Jason Morris / Leave a comment

When I was in eight grade, I developed a great desire to become a rock star. I didn’t want to be the front man or lead guitarist. I wanted to be the kick-ass (that is the appropriate rock n’ roll terminology) drummer of one of the worlds greatest bands.

In the eighth grade, my dreams included playing drums for one of the following bands (the idea being that I would replace the existing drummer)…in order of preference. Granted, some of these bands were defunct at the time. 1. Rush 2. Guns n’ Roses 3. Metallica 4. The Dead Milkmen 5. Black Flag 6. Minor Threat.

As I progressed through high school, the dream remained but the bands changed. The above mentioned bands all fell out of with list and were replaced by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Janes Addiction, The Beastie Boys, Rage Against the Machine, The Cocktails, The Flaming Lips, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Nirvana, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, and many others.

During college, I studied percussion as a music education major at Ball State. I continued to want to be a rock star. At that time, I wanted to play with Carlos Santana, Poncho Sanchez, and countless jazz and Latin jazz artists.

Throughout middle school, high school, and college, I spent countless hours practicing, reading, studying, and listening to tons of music in order to be prepared for my career as a rock star. Some of my back problems may be directly related to my poor posture on the drum stool. This was the dream I pursued more than any other. While in high school, I didn’t really spend any time studying any thing outside of the musical world. I didn’t have time for algebra, social studies, literature, science, and the like. It was all about music.

I never became a large scale rock star. I had a few glimpses into what the life of a rock star looked like while in high school and college, playing with local rock bands like Clifton Wells, Avalava, Jessco, Cocaine Wolf and the Pedatones, Los Sangres, and countless others. I was fortunate enough to “sit in” with some fairly decent bands and musicians while in college. I’ve spent time in recording studios on various projects. But, needless to say, I have yet to appear on the cover of Spin or Rolling Stone (notice I said ‘I have yet to appear”).

As graduation approached (from college), I had two plans. One was to move to Nashville to start working in the music industry. That plan could have led to rock stardom. The second plan was to explore full-time ministry. That plan would not lead to rock stardom. It did lead to hanging out with some “Christian” rock stars (like Switchfoot, the Supertones, and many others). But, let’s be honest…there’s not a whole lot of “rock star” antics in the  Christian music scenes.

I cannot say that I have not had opportunties to pursue this dream. There have been moments when I’ve been presented with situations that could have helped lead me to rock star status. But prayerful decision making has led me to other avenues and occupations. And, I would say that the decisions have been the right decisions each time.

With this childhood dream, I still say, “Maybe some day.”