Should I eat the last piece of pie in the house? It’s a small piece…and it’s homemade, strawberry pie.

I guess you should be aware of this: I did eat a piece of sugar creme pie for breakfast.

Of course, you should be aware of this too: Someone made this pie for us in the midst of a difficult time in order that we might enjoy it. So, it would almost be a “slap in the face”, a major insult to the person who made the pie if I did not indulge this desire to consume the last piece of pie in the house. 

Well, maybe you need to know this too: last night, I had a piece of key lime pie…and a piece of sugar creme pie…and a cupcake.

The prosperity Gospel tells me that God has blessed me with this pie. And, if I have the desire to eat it, I should eat it because God wants to grant me the desires of my heart. That seems pretty legit. I think I like this prosperity Gospel. God wants me to have the desires of my heart (and my stomach). Therefore, I should eat the pie. But, wait, what if there are holes in this whole “prosperity Gospel” thing?

Well, in that case, I could just be a Calvinist for the night…eat the pie and say that it was predestined…that I had no choice in the matter…God has ordered thing in such a way that it is His will…because, after all, He ordains all things…even my desire to eat that delicious piece of pie. So, if I eat the pie, I can rest in the knowledge that it was God’s will…that I could do nothing to resist this desire…and that it was all part of God’s plan to make me more dependent on Him. But, wait, what if there are some “catches” within the whole Calvinist/predestination thing?

Maybe I’m over-thinking this??? Maybe I should just eat the pie?

Of course, I could just be a sterotypical Methodist. I’ll eat the pie. I’ll enjoy the momentary joy and bliss that comes with each bite. Then, I’ll be overcome with guilt when I hear a sermon on Sunday about social justice and the least of these (who most likely are not eating a delicious slice of homemade, strawberry pie). In the midst of my guilt, I will ask for forgiveness. I’ll thank God for His grace (which has been present with me throughout this struggle…you know, the whole “prevenient grace” thing). In the midst of my relief that God’s love, grace, mercy, and forgiveness are available to all, I will proceed with life as usual…until I cross another difficult decision…like whether or not to eat the last candy bar in the house. 

By the way, while typing this, I paused to consume that piece of pie. Oh, what sweet joyful bliss!

For some reason, I have found myself thinking about my two favorite horrible Christian songs.Yes, I understand how that sounds…”favorite” and “horrible”???

Many of my readers know exactly the kind of song I’m talking about. These songs are generally performed by artists like Carmen, Stryper, One Bad Pig, or sing about butterflies and rainbows. 

However, my two favorite horrible Christian songs are recorded by unknown artists. 

The first is featured on a CD that accompanies a bedtime devotional that we use with our girls. Each night, we have a short time of reading, prayer, and a song. The songs are generally the kind of songs one would hear at the typical vacation Bible school. 

However, there is one that is just hilarious. I’m not sure that it’s intentional…but it is brilliant! The song starts off with these lyrics, 

I want to throw up

I want to throw up

I want to throw up…my hands and praise the Lord!

How awesome is that? My kids laugh, probably because their parents are laughing, but still…they laugh. It is my considered opinion that this isn’t really the reaction the songwriter had in mind.

Whenever I hear this tune, I find myself thinking, “Exactly! I want to throw up too!” In all honesty, I’ve been tempted to use this song in worship on a Sunday morning just to see how others would respond! It makes me wonder if Weird Al is now making Christian music. 

My other favorite horrible Christian song is actually my all-time favorite horrible Christian song. The song starts with the recording “artist” talking about how Philippians 1:21 says, “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” As the song progresses, she makes it to the chorus, which is where it gets really good. She sings, 

To live is Christ

To die is gain

So kill me, kill me, kill me

Kill me, kill me, kill me

I tend to sing the “kill me, kill me, kill me” part whenever I am annoyed, bored, etc. 

Of course, at the end of the day, I really wish people would simply stop making such horrible Christian music. Sure, the person is probably trying to do their best to bring glory to God. However, I’m convinced there are times when God doesn’t want anything to do with some of the things being done in His name. I believe it was Matthew Paul Turner who wrote about a Christian artist sharing a song with him that “wasn’t hers…it was given to her by the Holy Spirit.” His response was something along the lines of “I’m pretty sure that wasn’t the Holy Spirit that gave that piece of junk to you.” Just because it quotes Scripture or uses words like “God”, “Jesus”, “holy”, etc doesn’t mean it’s bringing glory to God or inspired by the Holy Spirit.

I believe we need to be wise as we discern what does and does not bring glory to God. Maybe I’m totally wrong here. Maybe I’m being too critical. Maybe I’m just being a jerk. Or, maybe I’d just like to see the things being done in God’s name be worthy of being done in His name. 

So, Christian songwriters, please, make it stop!