Today, I read an article listing out things pastors should never do in the pulpit. Yep, another list that sucked me in and, well, pissed me off.

The basics of the article implied that pastors should present themselves as having it all together, as being righteous and holy, one who never questions issues of the faith, never brings coffee to the pulpit (which was in the first paragraph…an indication I should have stopped reading), never share struggles, and never allow someone with different beliefs to share, and so on. Oh, and it was very clear, from the article, that pastors should also not be women. Yep, I should have stopped reading at the statement on coffee.

I believe the idea behind the article is that, if pastors are too honest, they will appear weak and their witness will no longer be effective.

In other words, don’t be honest. Don’t be real. Don’t be authentic. Don’t be transparent. Instead, play the game, play the role, and keep up appearances. After all, we wouldn’t want people to get the idea that pastors are actually humans…every bit as sinful as those sitting in the pews and outside the doors.

When I read lists like this, I can determine a couple of things: a) the author is ultra-conservative, b) the author is old, c) all of the above.

These days, no one is being fooled by the pastors who present themselves as having it all together.

It is my considered opinion that people are looking for pastors who are open, honest, and transparent. No one desires the old “bait and switch”.

People crave relationships. People desire relevance. These two (relationships and relevance) are often found in the midst of open, honest, transparent, and authentic communities.

To admit that we struggle with certain passages of Scripture, yet still cling to the way Jesus, isn’t weak…it’s honest.

To admit that we struggle with certain “sins”, yet find hope in the grace, compassion, and mercy of Christ isn’t weak…it’s honest.

To admit that we don’t have it all together isn’t weak…it’s honest.

To drink coffee in the pulpit is a sign that we understand coffee to be one of the great ways God demonstrates great love for all of humanity.

We do more damage than good when we attempt to keep up appearances and then people discover that we’re all too real. The pastor who admits shortcomings, who admits doubts, who brings up questions is probably more credible than the one who keeps all that private, only to be discovered later.

I’m pretty sure the author of the article would dismiss me as a “pastor” as soon as he discovered that I didn’t tuck my shirt in on Easter Sunday (or any other Sunday for that matter) and that I sometimes wear blue jeans…because that’s who I am and I’m not going to pretend to be anyone else…even in matters of dress!

The days of the pastor on a pedestal are long over. Too many scandals have revealed that we really aren’t any different from anyone else. Trust and credibility of the “office” of pastor have been shattered by our lack of honesty, transparency, and openness.

Should we be standard bearers in the faith community? Absolutely. We aspire to a “higher” calling. Should we be open, honest, transparent, and authentic? Absolutely. Should we be held accountable and held to a higher standards? Sure. Should we pretend that we are something we are not? Absolutely not.

So, I guess honesty IS the best policy!

We church people love lists! We especially love lists that will help us become better Christians, help our churches grow, make our pastors sermons less boring, help us overcome whatever group we happen to be disagreeing with at the moment, or the ultimate list would be the one that gives us 5-simple steps to do all the things in this list!

So, I thought I’d give it a shot. Here is my one step that will lead to church growth, health, and vitality…or church shrinkage, sickness, and/or death.

Now, some of you are not going to like this. On the other hand, some of you are going to use portions of this blog at your next administrative council meeting to say “Hey, I’ve been telling you this all along!”

Okay, here it is, the one step that will lead to church growth, health, and/or vitality…or church shrinkage, sickness, and ultimately death. Trust your pastor!

Now, ask yourself, “Do I trust my pastor?”

Some of you automatically chimed in, “Of course I trust my pastor!”

Others, without hesitation, shouted, “Trust my pastor? You’ve got to be kidding me!”

Some of you are possibly still thinking about it.

For those of you who quickly called into question your pastors trustworthiness, ask yourself, “Why don’t I trust my pastor?”

There is a chance your pastor is not trustworthy. So, laity, if you have a pastor that cannot be trusted, you just might have the wrong person leading your congregation. I will be the first to admit that there are some pastors who simply should not be trusted.

Let me ask this, for those who do not trust your pastor, is there a non-petty reason for this? If you don’t trust your pastor because her theology doesn’t line up exactly with yours, that’s petty. If you don’t trust your pastor because he doesn’t tuck in his shirt, that’s petty. If you don’t trust your pastor because you watched him pocket money out of the offering plate, well, that’s not petty. If there are serious reasons not to trust your pastor, you should not hesitate to contact those that oversee the pastor. If a majority of the congregation questions the trustworthiness of the pastor, it’s time for a serious conversation.

I’ve come to find that many of the folks who do not trust the pastor are withholding their trust over minor issues. Eventually, you are going to come to a crossroads. If you cannot trust your pastor, it might be time to find a new church. Seriously, if you are putting up roadblocks every time the pastor attempts to lead, you are probably not helping the church. So, if you don’t trust your pastor and it’s for petty, minor differences…get over it. I’m not saying there is never a time to question your pastor. Questions help us refine. Questions don’t always mean a lack of trust. Sometimes questions are just an attempt to find clarity. However, some folks are going to question everything due to some silly disagreement they had with the pastor over whether or not his Blues Brothers tie was appropriate on Sunday (come on, at least the pastor was wearing a tie!).

Now, pastors, we all play a role in this too. Are we giving our laity reasons to question our trustworthiness? Simple things, like not showing up when you said you will show up, call trust into question. While we may not be having affairs, stealing money, or covering up major scandals, we may be doing small things that, over time, add up and cause people to trust us less and less. So, are we leading in ways that are worthy of trust? Are we being faithful to God, faithful to our families, faithful to our call, and faithful to our churches? Are we honoring God, family, church, and our commitments in ways that build trust?

For those of you who quickly affirmed that you trust your pastor, ask yourself, “Do I really trust my pastor?”

Do we trust our pastors to set the mission, vision, and values? Do we really trust our pastors to set the tone? Do we trust that our pastors actually know what they are doing? Do we trust that our pastors are being led by God when they push us to take risks? Do we trust our pastors when they encourage us to prune ineffective programs and ministries? Do we really trust our pastors?

So, if you trust your pastor, and he/she is worthy of being trusted, you have taken one step towards church growth, health, and/or vitality.

If you don’t trust your pastor, and yet he/she is worthy of being trusted, you have taken one step towards church shrinkage, sickness, and/or death.

If you trust your pastor, and he/she is not worthy of being trusted, you have taken one step towards church shrinkage, sickness, and/or death.

If you don’t trust your pastor, and he/she is not worthy of being trusted and you are taking appropriate steps to address the issue, you have taken one step towards church growth, health, and/or vitality.

Of course, I’ve seen pastors that should never be trusted grow churches. And, I’ve seen pastors for whom trust should never be an issue kill churches. I know some pastors who are messed up and really have no business leading churches grow churches that are doing some amazing things. And, I know some pastors who are incredible followers of Christ, overly qualified to be pastors, and they kill churches everywhere they go.

So, I guess at the end of the day, I could be wrong.

Well, there you have it…My one step to church growth, health and/or vitality…or shrinkage, sickness, and/or death…trust your pastor (or don’t).

 

 

I know you are probably expecting this to be a blog about the Gin Blossom’s “Hey Jealousy”. I’m sorry to disappoint you. No, this is a blog about struggling with feelings of jealousy…

Last night, while reading Shauna Niequist‘s book, Bread & Wine, I found myself being overcome by feelings of jealousy.

The book really is a wonderful read. Lots of keen insight on the beauty of gathering together at the table. Throughout my reading, I’ve been reminded of the numerous memories that involve food, pints, family, and friends. Throughout most of the book, I’ve fallen somewhere between nostalgic and inspired to create new memories around the table.

However, last night I was hit right between the eyes with an overwhelming sense of jealousy.

Niequist’s life stories involve world travel, growing up splitting time between the wealthy Chicago suburb’s where her father’s humongous church is located and spending summer’s “at the lake” in Southwest Michigan. Last night, as I was reading about having to reschedule trips to Rome and settle for time in a fancy hotel in Chicago, I found myself thinking, “Man, I wish I had those problems.”

Now, there is so much more to the story…but this is how I found myself feeling. Jealous.

You see, I like to whine and complain about what I don’t have…for example: a lot of money, a Harley Davidson, a Taylor 812ce, a Rickenbacker 360, a cabin in the woods, you get the picture.

And, while I’m busy whining and complaining, I fail to celebrate what I do have…for example: a beautiful, kind, caring, intelligent, and healthy wife, two amazing and healthy children, an incredible family, awesome friends, a great “job”, a wonderful church, easy access to People’s Brewing Company!

So, last night, I found myself jealous as I read about world travel, celebrations in South Haven, and gatherings with Christian “celebrities” like Shane Claiborne. Therefore, I felt justified in my jealousy…

Until I looked out the window and watched the sun slowly setting just behind the tree line at the back of my neighborhood. And, I found myself being thankful…for my wife and kids, for my extended family, for my friends, for my church, for the delicious pint of People’s Space Cowboy, for Shauna Niequist’s book that’s reminding me to create memories around the table, for shelter, for food, for transportation, for all the things I so easily take for granted.

And, as I continued to read, I came across stories of pain, suffering, and struggle. While Niequist may have enjoyed a certain amount of privilege, she has not been free from loss, from hurt, from doubt.

I was reminded that, while I may not have it “as good as some people”, I’ve got it a lot better than most. In many ways, I grew up a child of privilege. I never really “wanted for” anything (which is probably why I struggle so much when I don’t get what I want…like a Harley, a Taylor, a Rickenbaker, a cabin in the woods). My parents did their best to provide for our family.

So, now, when I’m overcome with a sense of jealousy, I’ll remind myself that no one has a perfect life. I’ll remind myself of and give thanks for what I do have…which is more than I need or deserve…because I’ve found that when I pause to reflect on what I have, those feelings of jealousy seem to quickly fade.

And, because some of you are disappointed that this was not a blog about the Gin Blossom’s, well…here you go:

 

This post is from the archives. It seems relevant due to a recent experience at a conference.

 Several years ago, a member of a church I worked at came to me before a worship service and said, “Man, I will increase my giving if you can make sure the Trustee’s will buy softer toilet paper. That stuff in there is like sandpaper!”

It should be noted, this member was very active in the life of the church through the giving of his time, his treasures, and his talents. It should also be noted, he was being completely serious.

Toilet paper is no laughing matter. I happen to be a toilet paper snob. I prefer a certain brand…and a certain sub-category of that certain brand. And, if people try to buy a different brand or a different line within the same brand…well, I get very indignant. I make statements like, “you know I like _____. Why would you buy _____? Just buy the stuff I like! Are you trying to kill me?” Unfortunately, I am not exaggerating. Pray for Emily…she has to put up with a lot!

So, when this individual came to me, I found myself overwhelmed with a sense of compassion and understanding. He was right. That toilet paper was just like sandpaper.

And, in a roundabout manner, it communicated a message.

That message: We don’t care about your comfort in the restroom.

Now, some may say that I am going overboard. But, we have to realize that even the smallest things communicate a message…they have an impact on the overall experience one has when they visit your church or business.

Maybe businesses and places of worship should consider their toilet paper as a hospitality issue. Are you putting out your best? Or are you trying to save a couple of dollars by purchasing individually wrapped rolls that come in boxes of 500 and barely qualify as a paper product suitable for human use?

Last week, I found myself at Reardon Auditorium on the campus of Anderson University. Now this is a place that cost over $33,000 per year for students to attend (includes tuition, room, food service, and the ever important “miscellaneous” fees). At one point, I found myself in the men’s restroom. I was greatly disappointed. I expected more. Sitting in that bathroom, I did not find myself feeling welcomed. I did not find myself thinking, “Wow, this is a place that I want to send my daughters for their college education.” Instead, I was thinking, “I do not think my great-grandmother made a deal with AU for the land that this building is sitting on in order for them to put this kind of sub-quality toilet paper in their restrooms.” I was not overwhelmed by radical hospitality.

Now, I’m not saying that you have to splurge for the toilet paper that has lotion…but it would leave a pretty positive impression.

I’m just saying that we have to think about everything that contributes to the overall experience of our visitors…even the toilet paper. Yes, toilet paper…and the overall condition and smell of a bathroom…could contribute to the radical hospitality that a church or business displays to its visitors. What does the bathroom of your church or business communicate to your visitors?

“Offer hospitality to one another…without grumbling.” ~1Peter 4:9

“Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.” ~Hebrews 13:2

“Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.” ~Romans 12:13

It’s time to make an embarrassingly honest confession…I love Taco Bell. Not the new cantina or fresco stuff. I love the “real” Taco Bell. You know what I mean by the “real” Taco Bell, right? The stuff the surgeon general warns you about. The things you are only to consume in moderation. Now they’ve even made it better by offering the “XXL” portions. I believe that “XXL” means that’s the size shirt you’ll end up wearing if you consume too many “XXL” items.  Let’s be honest, if you were only meant to eat one or two tacos, why do the sell them in 12-packs? Some might say that the multi-packs are for feeding groups and families. Those people are called…well, it’s not polite to call people names so…Okay…I love Taco Bell. There, I said it…and I’ll say it again: I love Taco Bell! Whew! It feels good to get that off my chest!

This evening, I had a lesson in radical hospitality at Taco Bell.

The line was not very long. However, the wait was ridiculous. I kept wondering if the person in front of me had ordered a “boat load” of tacos. All day long I had a craving for some baja beef chalupas. My mouth was watering. And, the long wait was making me a bit impatient.

When I got to the window, a young woman greeted me with an apology. “We’re extremely sorry for your wait.” My response was, “Oh, no problem. I’m in no hurry.” She then proceeded to take my money and give me my change. Then, the waiting continued. I continued to grow impatient.

She returned to the window with my food. She then said, “Again, I’m so sorry for your wait. Your chalupas are going to be really hot. So, I’d wait before digging into them. Oh, and I went ahead and threw a brownie in there too. It’s just our way of saying sorry.”

I told her she didn’t have to do that. She replied, “Well, we don’t really have a good reason for your wait. We feel bad about making you wait. And, we really hope you’ll come back.”

That’s when I realized I had just witnessed a lesson in radical hospitality. You see, the young woman at Taco Bell didn’t need to do anything beyond her initial apology. In fact, she didn’t even need to apologize. The reality is that my wait wasn’t as long as it seemed. My hunger and longing for a baja beef chalupa made the event seem much more dramatic than it really had been. Yet, she apologized multiple times. Not only did she apologize, she threw in a brownie and added in that she hopes I’ll return.

My first thought was, “Taco Bell has brownies?”

My next thought was, “Wow! That really exceeded my expectations. Of course I’ll be back!”

I experienced high quality customer service in a place I really had not expected it. Customer service is a key to getting customers to return. If your customer service is good, customers are more likely to overlook minor issues and return. If your customer service is poor, the chances of customers returning begins to diminish. I have a list of businesses and churches I will not return to due to their poor customer service (radical hospitality). If you want an example of poor customer service, just ask me about the “Cookie Monster” fiasco at a certain Muncie-based restaurant.

The idea with radical hospitality is that we will go beyond what is expected in welcoming people into our churches and groups. We will know when to say “thank you”, “I’m sorry”, and “I hope you’ll come back.” We will be willing to admit that we don’t always get it right. We will go out of our way to make people feel wanted, valued, respected, and appreciated. We will be authentic and sincere. People will see right through it if we are just “going through the motions” or simply “doing what that book told us to.”

This evening, at Taco Bell, I was reminded of the importance of doing our best to let people know we care, that we are glad they have joined us, and that we hope they’ll come back.