Fools who keep quiet are deemed wise;
    those who shut their lips are smart. ~Proverbs 17:28

I’m going to be honest with you, I love to hear myself talk. I think it’s a fairly common characteristic among folks in ministry. We put a lot of time and effort into our messages, Bible studies, and other duties. In the midst of that, we often come to the point where we consider ourselves to be somewhat authoritative on certain matters. And, too often, that’s where we get ourselves in trouble.

Recently, there have been a couple of controversial decisions made by local United Methodist congregations in regards to matters concerning homosexuality. The first had to do with a church cutting its ties with the Boy Scouts of America. Bishop Michael Coyner actually made a statement encouraging local churches to continue partnering with the Scouts. So, it was confusing to have a local church cut ties and use the Discipline as a defense to support their decision. Of course, each local church can make its own decisions on these matters.

This week, another congregation made a decision to not allow Pride Lafayette to be a part of their community celebration. When the pastor was interviewed by the local media, he started off with a statement that was appropriate. He simply stated that it was a community event and Pride Lafayette was not really a part of that particular community. However, he kept talking. And, that’s when things got a little sketchy.

The quote shared by local media outlets stated that the pastor looked at the mission of Pride Lafayette and found that it was not in line with our Discipline and that influenced the decision.

The problem in both of these cases is that when local congregations make bold declarations, they are doing it on behalf of all United Methodist churches in the community…at least as far as the typical viewer/reader is concerned. And, in both cases, the pastors used portions of the Discipline’s statement and not the whole in order to support their interpretation.

Our more conservative brothers and sisters are quick to jump on the following statement, “The United Methodist Church does not condone the practice of homosexuality and considers this practice incompatible with Christian teaching.” And, while that is a part of our statement regarding human sexuality, it is not the whole. It seems as though they see the denomination shifting views and becoming more and more welcoming and affirming towards our gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender brothers and sisters. So, they are doing all they can to take bold stands that may not fully reflect the tone of the denomination as a whole. Using a broader portion of the statement gives a clearer view of our attempts at a grace-filled approach to issues of sexuality. 

The often quoted paragraph (161.F) states, “We affirm that all persons are individuals of sacred worth, created in the image of God. All persons need the ministry of the Church in their struggles for human fulfillment, as well as the spiritual and emotional care of a fellowship that enables reconciling relationships with God, with others, and with self. The United Methodist Church does not condone the practice of homosexuality and considers this practice incompatible with Christian teaching. We affirm that God’s grace is available to all. We will seek to live together in Christian community, welcoming, forgiving, and loving one another, as Christ has loved and accepted us.  We implore families and churches not to reject or condemn lesbian and gay members and friends. We commit ourselves to be in ministry for and with all persons.”

“All persons are individuals of sacred worth…All persons need the ministry of the Church…We affirm that God’s grace is available to all…We will seek to live together in Christian community…We implore families and churches not to reject or condemn lesbian and gay members and friends…We commit ourselves to be in ministry for and with all persons.”

Hmm…so how does that support cutting ties with the Scouts? How does that support excluding Pride from your event? It sounds like the Discipline actually calls us to be in ministry “for and with” everyone…regardless of race, socio-economic level, gender, sexual preference, etc…

I was extremely proud of my Sr. Pastor, Scott Mann, for attempting to speak words of grace, peace, and clarity. Scott said, “It is extremely disappointing to hear of yet another fringe United Methodist congregation in the Lafayette area taking an extreme position on the issue of homosexuality. The hearts of nearly all United Methodist’s are with and for all persons, regardless of sexual orientation. You are our brothers, sisters, sons, and daughters and we both love you and welcome you.”

The issue with Pride Lafayette probably would not have snowballed had the pastor stopped talking after making the statement that Pride Lafayette was not fully associated with their particular community.

Now, I’ve seen folks from the church saying that the pastor was misrepresented and that they edited out more graceful statements. However, the pastor put himself in the position to be misquoted and misunderstood.

This serves as a warning to us all…be very careful in what we say and don’t say.

This morning, I came across a video of my two all-time favorite skateboarders, Christian Hosoi and Steve Caballero. These two guys, often pitted against one another in contests and the overall skateboarding world, seem to be great friends and have great respect for one another.

It’s a brief video that features interview and skating segments. I was captured by the video and deeply moved towards the end of the video when Cab started talking about being missionaries.

Now, having watched the documentary and read the book, I am familiar with Hosoi’s Christian testimony. His transformation is incredible. Skateboard hero – junkie – prisoner – pastor. It speaks of the great hope found in Christ. And, just the transformation in his demeanor and attitude…from ego-maniac to humble servant…it’s incredible.

However, I had never really heard anything about Cab’s faith. So, I really expected Caballero to talk about being old school missionaries of skateboarding. But, then he started dropping the “born again” and “Jesus” bombs. I’ll be honest, I kind of teared up.

I’m intrigued to learn more about Cab’s faith. He’s always had a pretty “clean” image within the skateboarding world. Yet, I’m sure there’s more to the story.

Hearing these two talk about their “higher calling” within the arena of skateboarding…wow! For old school skaters and young skaters who have an appreciation for those who paved the way, these guys have the potential to be used as God’s powerful agents of transformation, hope, grace, and mercy. When these guys talk, people (especially skaters) will listen. These are some of the giants of the industry. They have some serious credibility within skateboarding circles.

I’ll be following Cab and Hosoi closely to see how God uses them…and to continue to be inspired by these men.

I encourage you to check out the video:

Recently, I was listening to the Vampire Weekend song “Unbelievers”. It’s an extremely catchy tune. However, what caught my attention were the lyrics that stirred questions in my mind. Take a listen:

“We know the fire awaits unbelievers all of the sinners the same.”

“Is this the fate that half of the world has planned for me?”

As I listened to this song, I found myself asking this question: Is this the message Christianity is sharing with the world around us?

Unfortunately, rather than focusing on the love, grace, hope, mercy, and compassion of Christ, the message that is generally being spread is one of impending doom for those who do not believe. I know that is a big stereotype and there are many out their doing their best to breathe hope, life, joy, and love into the world. But, is that the message that is getting out to the masses? It doesn’t seem like the guys in Vampire Weekend have received a message of love, grace, mercy, and compassion, but one of the fires of hell.

Let’s be honest, even within Christian circles, we condemn those who do not believe exactly like us to hell. Conservatives condemn liberals to hell, and vice versa. Pro-lifers trash the pro-choice crowd. Within the UMC, Confessing Movement and Reconciling Movement are deeply divided and are less than loving with one another. Protestants and Catholics wonder if the other really even believe in Jesus. And so, we communicate that heaven is reserved only for those who think like we do.

Is this the message Christ desires for us to bring to the world?

John 3:17, you know…the verse after that often quoted one says, “God didn’t send his Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through him.”

Jesus came, not to condemn, but to save. Yet, so many of us within the walls of the church, find great joy in condemning those who are “unbelievers”.

So, how do we move from the generalized characteristic of being judgmental and hell-focused?

We all need places to connect…places where we feel comfortable, safe, welcome, and wanted.

Lately, the experts have identified the “third place” where we find social connections. Churches, country clubs, gyms, bars, hobby groups would be examples of “third places”. It’s a place outside of home and work where we develop build friendships.

For those who work in the church, finding that third place can be challenging. Yet, it is vitally important for holistic health.

Currently, I am sitting in my all time favorite third place…the Heorot. I was a frequent visitor throughout college. I came every Friday at lunch when we moved back to Muncie. In general, those gathered here are “like” me. It’s extremely rare to enter this place and not run into someone I know. For example, I just had a nice visit with a former professor. A childhood friend just walked through the doors.

I miss this place. And, as I sit here, I am reminded of my need for a third place.

Where is your third place?

The other day, I was reminded of the importance of loving, honoring and respecting the people with whom we are “doing life together”. Too often, we take for granted the relationships that should be most important to us. Our words and actions, and at times our silence and in-action, do not always communicate love, honor and respect.

Due to some posts from friends via social media, I found myself asking some questions:

1. Do we love, honor and respect our loved ones through our actions on social media? Do our posts, comments, and things we share demonstrate that we are fully committed to those we would say we are committed to? For example, a “friend” constantly posts pictures of scantily clad women. It would be bad enough if the gentleman was single. However, he is married. So, is he really loving, honoring, and respecting his wife when he posts these pictures? Sure, maybe his wife is “cool” with it…but???

2. Do we love, honor and respect our loved ones in the workplace? The other day, I read a post where a “friend” was referring to her “work husband”. I don’t know about you, but when I hear terms like “work spouse”, I imagine flirtatious relationships where certain ethical lines are crossed. Sure, maybe physical boundaries are not crossed. But, what about intimate emotional connections? Are we “working” in ways that protect our relationships?

3. Do we love, honor and respect our children on social media? How many times have you read posts where people are moaning and groaning about their children? I have a “friend” who is constantly posting about how much of a challenge her oldest child is. The words are not kind. And I understand the need to vent…but is facebook the most appropriate venue? Or how about those pictures of our children that we post that aren’t exactly flattering? And, for crying out loud, this may offend some of you…but, nude/topless pictures of your kids, even if only shared with your friends??? I know I violated this one when my kids were babies (I mean, they were babies, so it’s cute, right?). Let me just be straight-forward, there are creepers on your friends list…you are friends with some sick, dirty bastards. You may not know it, but you are. And there are creepers who know how to get around your privacy settings. So, think twice, three times if necessary before posting pictures. Sure, our children may not be on facebook or twitter…yet.

So, if you are in any kind of committed relationship, think about your actions and words. Are we loving, honoring, and respecting our spouses at home, at work, online, in their presence and in their absence?